I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
