my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
