well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
