can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
