sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
two words...techno handjob
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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