i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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