GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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