We're facebook friends in real life
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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