He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
