but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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