I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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