If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
