I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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