Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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