I feel like I'm in dance class right now
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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