I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
