I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
