No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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