How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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