i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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