we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Drunk is a universal language darling
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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