yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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