sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
