I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
