Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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