my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Canadian or clown?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.