I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.