just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.