So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
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So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.