Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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