not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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