Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
