Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
love makes seman taste better
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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