i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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