dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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