ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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