I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
