i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
