thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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