Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
