so explain again why im purple
no
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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