she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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