got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.