i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
