It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
