I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
