I wanna bring you to show and tell
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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