Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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