the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
