You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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