Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize