if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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