Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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