Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
