Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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