I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize