you guys were way drunker than both of me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
