THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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