We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize