So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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