Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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